ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
