I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
