i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I smell stomach acid.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
