Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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