I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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