he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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