Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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