I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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