I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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