My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
