i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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