I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
