Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
