so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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