I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
