So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
