He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
