I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Your cock deserves a montage
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
