Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
