Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
