I'm lost and stupid without you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
