If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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