Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
