She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
