Please, let me fuck your mom
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize