As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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