I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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