VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
