i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
