i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
