Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
