6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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