Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
