2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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