I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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