Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
