She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Boobs are out for the taking
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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