Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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