dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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