I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
