i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
