I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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