We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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