I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
