shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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