We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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