drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
