Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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