Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
