there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
