I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
