she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize