Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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