I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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