Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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