chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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