He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
