do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
