Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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