The maid of honor just puked.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize