omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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