somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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