What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize