my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
