one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
