who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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