looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
