i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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